idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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