Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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