you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
