"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
