My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
