Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
