there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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