she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
