I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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