just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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