I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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