is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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