I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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