The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
