and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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