He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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