Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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