Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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