it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
