HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
