i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Randomize
