pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
