I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I want a musical about memes.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
