Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
