one word: firstdatebathroomanal
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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