Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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