That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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