Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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