You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
