my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
