Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
