Walk of Shame. In a state park.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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