she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
