no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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