Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
