she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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