Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
