What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
