so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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