i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
