he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Bring me that man meat
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
