I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
