how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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