wanna go halves on a baby?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
