I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
