trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
