yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
