I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
