He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My dad is sitting where you rode me
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
