Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
