Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
