nut hugger
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
