and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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