Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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