i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
