Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
