he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
