I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
