I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Drunk is not a location!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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