Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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