She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
