Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize