i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
