i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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