dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
