I just threw up on my dentist
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize