Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
