fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
