How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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