just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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