you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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