If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
