We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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