If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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