Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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