i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize