Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
