is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
