porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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