No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize