So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
