You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
