There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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