The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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