bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
