Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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