Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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