It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
