I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The uberlube is also flammable
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
