I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
