Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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