I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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