Soap is not a condiment
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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