i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
