i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
